2014 isn't looking any better.

I'm sure while most are gathering for parties and drinking and others are gathering to at least attempt to try and find some good in the new year, I am really not the type of person to mark things by arbitrary dates. Time is time to me, and for a while time has been really bad to me.

I'm sure you've notice that this past year I haven't blogged very much. It's not because I haven't wanted to, it's because I've been trying so desperately to find work and do other things. The outcome of that effort has been fruitless.

On top of that NewVintageLady has been in the red for quite some time. I was trying to be subtle about it with the posts I make, but I'm tired of that. I loose money on every repro I make. I used to sell 20 or 30 a month. For the last few months I've maybe sold 4 or 5. I'm not complaining to my wonderful supports I have and continue to have, but I apparently can't compete with the cuter prettier, newer vintage girls who have been doing this half the time I have and yet get three times the traffic and thousands of followers. Followers who love to share their stuff. I thought if I focused on sewing and if I focused on the craft and left out the superficial that would be enough. It's not. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore and I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

I have about 6 weeks to find a job before I have to sell most of my stuff (and most of its been sold already to pay for these past months) and move back to Kentucky which is something that will honestly make me die inside. My grandmother is itching for me to come home, and she couldn't be more thrilled by my failure. She's actually said, "You've failed, you should come home." That's not something she would say to my brother, just to me, so you can tell how special I am. I love my grandmother but I hate her at the same time. She has always seen me out of the house as something temporary, you know, I don't really have a life outside of her, and that I will eventually come home and sit in the house with her until she dies.

So 2014 isn't looking to be a super awesome time for me, and things that I love seem to be slipping away from me. Trying to cobble together jobs to make ends meet isn't working anymore, and I have no leads on anything permeant or real or even any jobs to get by. I'm on my own, like I always have been and it sucks. And I'd probably have to give up Brian because my grandmother would most likely not let me bring him with me. That hurts the most.

So Happy new year! I'm not gonna sew right now. I'll come back in a bit.

24 comments:

  1. Oh, This sounds very terrible... But i can say : don't give up.
    , someone burns a candle in the darkness especially for you...

    So i send you hope and strenght Tod go your way !!

    Greetings Form germany

    Stella

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  2. I'm sorry to read that things are so difficult for you at the moment. I really hope that something positive happens soon to change things for you.

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  3. That's horrible. I hope taht somethign will turn up, because moving back to your grnadmother sounds pretty awful.

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  4. Hey, i just tried to post but looks like it didn't work. I'm so sorry that things are so rough for you right now. Thank you for telling us. i really enjoy your blog. I sincerely hope something good turns up for you very soon. Sending best wishes for a good 2014 to you.
    Ps your grandma sounds like a piece of work. I hope there's a hidden heart of gold in there somewhere because if not, she aint going anywhere nice in the next life!

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  5. My grandmother is a good person, she just knows how to push my buttons. She's helped me a lot and does worry about me, she just does not think I should be on my own. You know, because I don't have a penis. Plus Im the daughter of her only daughter who dies 9 years ago, so she just wants me home. But I don't want to go home. Thats the thing.

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  6. I understand the problem with your grandmother - my mother was much the same. When my marriage 'failed' I got all the negative comments yet my brother had nothing but sympathy! Apparently she told other people how proud she was of me but never once said it to me. I think it's a generation thing - it's just how they were raised - maybe to make women stronger?
    Are the only alternatives staying where you are or going back to your grandmother? The USA is a big place (understatement) have you thought of looking elsewhere - somewhere the competition in your field might not be so strong? Somewhere your talents are needed obviously but where they are more unique.
    I would advise not going back if you can - I did that and on one level it worked ( roof over my head!) but after nursing my mother through Dementia my drive and gone.
    If you have to sell everything then do it - all you really need is your sewing and art equipment clothes etc and your faithful friend - then go find your 'Vintageville' if it means working in a shop or whatever till you find something better then so be it.
    Don't give up, just regroup, take a deep breath and look in different directions not just at where you are now and backwards.
    Sorry lecture over - just meant as friendly advise I promise.
    Best wishes for 2014 from the UK.

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  7. Oh dear I really feel for you, life can be such a bitch sometimes, especially relatives. What ever you do, do not get rid of that cutie Brian, he is adorable. Tell her he saved your life anything, lie your teeth off but do NOT get rid of him. When you have feeling really down, he will make you feel so much better. Better still do not go, life has a way of slapping us in the face but sometimes it does surprise us in the strangest ways and suddenly life is better. Have hope.

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  8. I'm hoping 2014 will bring you much deserved prosperity and all the good things you desire. I'm praying for you--you have indeed worked very hard for your independence. God bless.

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  9. It is sad to hear you're having such a difficult time. It happens to all of us, but that knowledge doesn't necessarily make it easier to go through. Hope 2014 brings better things & improvements in all corners for you!

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  10. Chiming in here because that boat's a cruise ship this year and a lot of us are on it.
    Remember, sewing business always has dry spells. And this time of year, people are spending money on the holidays, food for guests, gifts and things, so commissions fall by the way side. Your stuff is great, you're bringing back classics that fit right in today without that boring same-old, same-old look. I've not seen patterns as well proportioned and interesting for the bigger girls outside your blog. All the others out there are just blah.
    On the other hand, you might have a whole new set of customers if you go back home, too. And you still have your online business no matter where you go.
    Best of luck to you, Brian and Brasco in the coming year.

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  11. Shelley, Please don't despair. That is a lot to ask of someone who is facing such obstacles at the moment. I empathize having been in similar straights in my life. You are a gifted very talented young woman, and nobody can take that away from you. I applaud your spirit for leaving Kentucky and making a go of it in a town that has tested the mettle of Lord knows how many ambitious and talented people. I wish I could give you some concrete help. Your grandmother may be a good person but the message she is giving you is so wrong. You are a brave and resourceful young woman. Be proud of what you have accomplished so far-- nothing ventured nothing gained. Stay strong. Bill

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  12. So sorry to read of your hard times, Shelley. If it helps to know that you are not alone, I know plenty of others in the same straights. Sounds like your grandmother is a lot like my mother. Just old-fashioned ideas. Try to look on the positive side of things, perhaps the change of scenery will open new doors for you. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I know that sounds trite, but it is true.

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  13. Shelley, things can look dark when we're in a bad place, and the holidays don't help. Remember that everything changes in life -- nothing is static. Hang in there and try not to be hard on yourself. Life is challenging, especially for people with creative aspirations. Best of luck and I look forward to your posts in the coming year, no matter where you're blogging from.

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  14. So sorry to hear you are going through this! I only recently found New Vintage Lady and it's been so refreshing that you're *not* one of the skinny little pretty things that never does anything even remotely close to my size. I'm always delighted to see a new blog post from you. I hope with all my heart that 2014 finds a creative solution for you to keep doing what you love (and to keep Brian!)

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  15. Hang in there. As Peter said, the holidays make things seem even worse than they are - although, having grown up in Kentucky, I can understand that few things may seem as bad as the idea of moving back there. If all else fails and you must move back with your Grandmother, maybe it will give you a measure of breathing space to explore your options without the daily stress of making ends meet. And it sounds like you may be in a position to negotiate a little over the subject of Brian. It sounds as if she really wants you to come back, so bringing him with you might be a condition you could try and maintain. Best of luck. We will be pulling for you.

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  16. I'm so sorry you are having a tough time. Thank you for sharing. I wish I could do more to help than just some typed words from someone across the country who you've never met. I'm sorry that you might have to close NVL. You are always my first destination when looking for new patterns. I think the problem is a bad economy compounded by being a niche company. If you look at patternreview.com, none of the niche plus companies get a lot of reviews even though there are a lot of plus sewists posting reviews. I think we like to tell ourselves that we aren't plus sized if we can still buy straight size patterns. Whatever happens, I hope you can find a way to keep Brian. You two have been good for each other and it shows.

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  17. Dear Shelly, I have loved you and your blog since I discovered a few months ago. I wish I could do something for you other than offers words of support from afar. My man and i are also starting a business in a new place and right now it has slowed to a crawl. The holidays are difficult for many people not just in a business sense. You are not a failure, you have not failed. You have succeeded in many ways. Hang on and don't give up Brian he will sustain you and love you always and never tell you failed.

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  18. Sending you and Brian positive vibes. I hope things will begin to look up soon.

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  19. Thanks for all the support, you guys. It just sums ten kinds of suck. Its not the holidays, its just everything.

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  20. Ladies! Okay, we need to get NVL stuff reviewed on Pattern Review (I'm working on one of the hats). We need to spread the word. Link it up. We can't let this woman down.
    I wish the Kentucky option was an option, not a command performance, but the Internet works there too, and WE the fans need to back up the love with action.

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  21. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time. Keep moving--and maintain your momentum. Life is like a chess game: more opportunities appear.

    Rose in SV

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  22. Not meaning this in any way sarcastically, but bless your heart! I hope that the new year picks up for you and that you don't have to go back to someplace you're unhappy. Misery loves company, and I had a grandmother that loved to see if she could make me as unhappy a person as her. She was insanely jealous of mine or anyone else's success and just about went over the edge when she found out I was getting married. Hard stuff to deal with when you love someone and can't stand to be around them at the same time. I love your site and you always give me so much inspiration as I'm a "stout" woman too. Much love and support to you my dear.

    *had to edit my post as the other had a glaring gramatical error that even I could see.*

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  23. I'm so sorry that things have been this way. I recently discovered your blog and I have to say it is the only African American blog I can find that caters to vintage taste. Far be it from me to assume I know you and your life or what's best for you, but I hope you don't give up sharing what you have. Praying for you in whatever you choose.

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  24. Whatever happens, Shelley, and whatever you decide to do, don't give up on your dream. You are much too gifted to throw in the towel, especially now. Kentucky (if you decide to go) is like a rest stop along your journey (for refueling and strategizing your next move). I (along with countless others) enjoy your blog and Vintageville. No one knows your situation better than you. Whatever you decide, we're in your corner. Much Peace and Love.

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