Especially since my last post on the topic caused such a firestorm. There was even a reply post on another blog. That blog post failed to see the point, but I digress.
I'm just tired of it. The rejection, the ignores, the flat out no's. On occasion, I can take it, say it's par for the course, and on rare occasions I may have a good night with great leads and fun friends, but when this treatment is more than 50% of your social dancing experience, it gets to be agony.
Last night I went to a bar with friends. One lead showed up and I asked HIM to dance. He looked at me for longer than it would have taken him to answer. "Uuuuuhhh, okay," then we danced a real lame dance. "My arm's sore," he said. "I don't want to overwork it." Yet ten minutes later he was dancing with two other girls more than twice each. I guess it was not worth it to overwork the arm with me, someone else, sure! Actually this night, two injured leads were dancing with other people. That's how special I'm not.
We went to another bar and I asked a guy I know to dance. "The next song, this one is strange." "Sure," I said. I'm not going to push, and I'm not going to hound. I trust people at their word if they say yes. The next song came on, and he got up (I was sitting next to him) and danced with someone else. Two someone else's.
That was kind of it for me. I got up and just walked out and around the block for about half an hour, and cried. Then I just walked home (I only lived a mile away from the bar). I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I was with my friend, and I am at the least just as good a dancer if not better than her, and she kept getting dances more times than I can count.
I don't understand it, and I think it's incredibly cruel. Incredibly cruel.
Leads, do me a favor. When you are scanning the crowd for a girl to ask to dance, ask yourself, "Why am I asking her?" or, "Why am I skipping this girl?" and say your gut reaction out loud. Then wonder, is your reason kinda making you a douchebag?
If you say, "Well, she's not that good a dancer yet," did it ever occur to you that she might become a better/faster dancer if someone would practice with her?
Because all of this happened, I'm actually less excited about Camp Hollywood now. One reason is they gave armbands based on skill level; beginner, intermediate, advanced, etc. I was actually looking forward to getting an advanced arm band, because then MAYBE some would see that instead of me and actually dance with me based on my skill! Novel idea, I know. But Camp Hollywood has done away with skill level registration. Fuck. Now I'm back where I started and because the dances tends to be follow heavy, I have a feeling that I'm going to be sitting out of a lot of dancing.
I am this close to holding up a sign that reads, "I can dance too, I'm not invisible!"
I'm just not clique-ish. Never have been. Even in high school, I shunned away from only one group of friends. I'm finding a lot of dance folk cleave to their own and it's really hard getting in that inner circle. And if that were my goal this post would have a different title.
I just wanted to dance. I did't know it would be this difficult to do it.
So I guess it's just classes for me for a while. At least there I know I'll get to dance.
That's all I have to write.