I'm quitting swing dancing.
I Just have no heart for it anymore. I was thinking about doing it after Camp Hollywood to tell you the truth. Recent social dancing and not making the team was the real last straw. I can't keep putting myself through it.
I feel like I'm a joke. I've just come to the realization that I will never be able to earn respect as a dancer in the scene. I will always be the paying student, no matter what skills I develop. I can't compete with the cute girls who can flirt their way into dance lessons and in 6 months be respected as a dancer. Why continue to try?
You just are not considered a viable follow unless you can do arials. Period. Now, whether or not you DO them is different, but unless its perceived that you can, why is a lead going to invest in you if that is what takes you far as a dancer, right? But guys, they can be 250-300+ pounds and be an amazing dancer. I choke on the double standard.
This feels like I'm in an abusive relationship, because I love swing dancing so much, but it does not love me. I'm tired of the hours of practice outside of class on my own, the money, the time, the passion I've put into it (only second to my drawing/art to tell you the truth), and I'm still just a customer. I can't get past how people see me, and why should I take that burden? I can't control how people see me but I am constantly seeking approval from people in this scene. Why am I doing this to myself?
I don't have much fun when social dancing. I have no opportunities to hone my skills. I can't find a dance partner, and I'm spent of taking classes that don't improve my skills.
My heart is broken, because I don't think what I want is unreasonable. I want some respect, especially when you see girls who start out where you are, and they have it. I've never gotten it since I've been doing this. I'm just a 'newbie' whether it's classes, or events, or the bar. No one comes to me and says, "Man, I hoped you be here so we can dance together!" I can't tell you how many people I've said that to.
The scene is toxic for me, and it won. I'm letting it go.
I'm looking into yoga. We will see what happens.